Friday, December 21, 2007

Teddies dont hug back, but sometimes theyre all you've got.

Um Kay.

So why do I get jealous so much? Yeah I get jealous because I work in the morning and Ryan's getting drunk with Kaileigh and Stephanie, Yeah I'm pissed because I wasn't actually invited..and I'm his girlfriend. You'd think that MAYBE he'd want to spend some time with me? Instead of the people he sees everyday? I guess its just me. Its been an off day so this is just the cherry on the cake. I know that I shouldn't get jealous or mad about this...but I miss him.. and I don't get to see him very much anyways..or well with out Kaileigh and Stephanie. I'm always at the theater when I see him.. ALWAYS and its the same old shit...I'm not allowed to kiss him, I'm not allowed to do anything.. and it pisses me off. OH or there's the thing where if I don't wanna get drunk I'm automatically a fag.. or I'm lame. OR I'm being a pussy, I don't get it.. I'm ALWAYS the one everyone has to pick on. It's getting really fucking old. & another thing while I'm ranting anyways.. I want someone who I can go to for everything, I'm not talking small little things, I'm talking someone I can trust with my life. Someone who I can trust with everything. I actually want it to be Ryan. I guess you win some you lose some though. I don't even know if he wants to be the person I tell almost everything to? I love him, I really do. It's I don't know what it is. Kay I know Ive said it like five million times before but seriously, I want to spend the rest of my life with Ryan, I want to get married to him.. I want his kids. I just want him, all of him forever. I don't care if he doesn't feel that way, Its how I feel, and I want him to know exactly how I'm feeling. I'm sorry if its creepy and weird. I'm just sick of being someone I'm not because everyone makes fun of me.
Now I'm done and I'm gonna read..
So yeah Party Hard Baby Party Hard.

No comments: