Saturday, August 9, 2008

Maybe it's a good post this time?

Have you ever had a false sense of hope, or confidence? I'm sure everyone has at one point. Me, I've always had false sense of everything, A shallow perception of what true friends are, And a false feeling of fitting in somewhere.
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Lately I've been feeling a bit.. insecure about everything about me. I don't know why.. Maybe because I've got someone that loves me, and I want to do everything to make it last. I'm an awkward person, I'm not even going to try and cover that one up, I'm extremely awkward. I can't have a proper conversation with people I just meet, Most of the time, I just worry that the new person I just met didn't like me because they thought I was stuck up,. Shyness isn't that curable I've noticed it just doesn't go away in a few days, Yeah you get more comfortable with the people you meet but you're always going to be shy.
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It's the same with insecurities, You may think you're comfortable with whatever your insecure about, and then the moment you see something, you feel insecure again. For example, Say you are insecure about your body, You have a boyfriend who loves you and you know it. One day you say you wanted to make him something with a program on the computer and you go to save it in his pictures. You find several nudes of tiny gorgeous girls. BAM, you get the insecurities and the fears that maybe he doesn't like my body, maybe hes just being nice. You're never going to actually know what goes on inside his head. Yes, a lot of guys like the tiny girls with big tits and a nice ass. Not all girls have that, Not all girls are perfectly proportioned like a gorgeous porn star. Some girls ignore the fact that she's 5 times bigger than that girl on her boyfriends computer. A lot of girls don't though.
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Now, If I were a physciarist, I would say that this would leave some emotional scaring on some woman- but I'm not so I won't. I'm not saying it does, or doesn't. I know in some cases it causes Bulimia, or other eating disorders. It could cause the girls to binge and purge. It's not healthy, It doesn't take a brain genius to figure out what is or isn't healthy.
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I'm also going to pin point things to the media and the modeling industries. If you aren't a size 0-1 and aren't 5'9 then you can't be a model. It's ridiculous how people make high fashion clothes for women under the natural sizes. I find that the most gorgeous people are plus sized women, I'm going to admit that the Victoria Secret models are gorgeous, I'm not going to deny that, and I'm also not going to deny the fact that I want to be a size 3. Media, It's always, "Brittany Spears is out of shape, Shes HUGE" She's not and never has been huge, I personally don't like her or her music, but to say someone is huge when they have a tiny bit of meat on their body.. It's ridiculous.
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I want to be a tiny size, like I said, I'm not going to deny that. I want to be comfortable with myself, I want to be like the girls on TV where they get piggy backs from their boyfriends and everyone is jealous of that one guy because he has that girl. I want to be able to wear a bikini and not feel embarrassed(not that I can swim but hey!) I just want to be able to look like my other friends, tiny and gorgeous. I stand out like a sore thumb when I'm with my friends. I'm just a very insecure person about everything. Nothings going to change what I'm insecure about, It won't go away, and I'll always have that following me. I can't lose a bunch of fat off of my body in a night, If it were possible though, that would be cool! Anyway, I don't know why people can't accept themselves for who they are, but one day it'll happen. I've got that false sense of everything to get me by until then.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

The sad truth is that no matter what size you are, you're going to have insecurities about it. Even some of the skinniest girls think they are whales.

Its hard to not be jealous of other people, especially with media being as bullshit as it is.

I think you are a pretty girl and have an amazing personality. (Y)

Sky. said...

I agree,
and thank you.