Friday, December 30, 2011

Fuck life.

Seriously contemplating doing something stupid.
For some kind of fucking attention from my mom.

Sitting here every fucking day absolutely neglected by her and my dad. I don't matter anymore apparently. I ask for something and it's made into a big deal that I want it. My little sister wants something she gets it without a fucking peep. Same goes for my brothers. I don't understand how that's fair. I ask for body wash, or deodorant, and I get flipped on. I ask for something to eat, and I get flipped on. I get called fat, stupid, ugly, worthless.. You name it, and I get called in on a daily basis. It's seriously getting to the point where, I don't even know how to function in society anymore with out me having extreme anxiety.

I'm done. I can't take it anymore. It's seriously driving me insane. I can't even pretend to be happy, my boyfriend hates the fact that I'm always sad. I don't know how to change it. My attempts at finding work anywhere are failing, like I fail at everything else. I have no where to go. I'm torn on what to do. I just, I'm so god damn broken it's not even funny. I sit here all day and think about how nice it would be if I weren't around. I honestly don't think anyone in my family would give two fucks if I were gone.

I'll be gone for a few hours with my boyfriend, and then come back and I have a nasty Facebook message saying "You're a fucking useless piece of shit, I don't understand why you don't pack your shit and leave." Sister goes out for the night, drinks till she's fucking puking everywhere, then drinks some more. Comes home, makes so much fucking noise, eats everything in the house and then passes out on the couch. NOT HER BED, the COUCH. She still doesn't get yelled at. I'm literally at my wits end now.


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