Wednesday, September 19, 2012

It's been a long, long time.

Wow, I almost forgot about this. Well, until I needed somewhere to post my worst week ever rant.
So, here it goes...

First, I am, and hopefully still will be pregnant. This is not an upsetting fact for me, as I've always wanted kids. My fiancee and I found out we were pregnant around August 5. Again, it was exciting news. By my last rag cycle ( I know, TMI! sorry) which was on July 2nd, I should have been about 11 weeks this week. Being that was when I actually got pregnant. Now, I've had my first prenatal check up and everything seemed to be fine. I had my first ultrasound yesterday, which was supposed to be a dating ultrasound. I drank so much water that it hurt to hold it in! I actually cried, it sucked. Anyways, after 20 minutes of the ultrasound tech pushing on my super full bladder he quietly left the room without saying a word to me. I was worried something was wrong right then and there. He came back in and asked me to empty my bladder so they could do a trans vaginal ultrasound. They looked and looked and still said nothing to me. When I asked them if they saw anything, the only thing they said was " we just take the pictures". That made me mad. I asked when I could talk to someone and they told me I had to call later that day to see what the results were.  Okay, first of all, if you're an ultrasound tech, and you've done millions of pregnant ladies you WILL know when something doesn't seem right. Second, don't not tell me anything and then tell me to go home and wait, FUCK YOU!

Okay, so I go upstairs to the maternity clinic and ask the doctor there if she could get my records and results so I could know what was going on. She had us wait in the waiting room for what seemed like forever! After she got my results, she asked us to come into the room. We sat down and she started off with.. "are you sure you have your dates correct? " I said of course. She went on to say that I have the gestational sac and it measured at 6 weeks and 3 days, but there's no fetal pole and no heart beat. I automatically tuned everything else she was saying out, tears came streaming down my face and I was completely heartbroken. She then said that I could have gotten my dates wrong and that I could just be at 6 weeks now. According to some people, 6 weeks is still too early to see anything. Then she went on to say that she's leaning more toward a "bad pregnancy" or a missed miscarriage. Again, broke my heart. She said that if it was indeed a miscarriage, that it'll carry itself out within two weeks, but to be sure, she sent me to get blood work done to see if my HCG levels were rising like they were supposed to instead of dropping. I go back this Friday for more blood work. She said that they would call me on Friday afternoon at the earliest if they knew anything. If not we will have to wait till Monday, our next scheduled prenatal appointment. I have never hoped and wished so hard in my life that everything would be okay. I'm absolutely terrified and I really don't know what to do.
Colton seems to think that everything is going to be okay, and the baby is just being an asshole. I really hope he's right.

THAT was the first part of my bad week! Here's the second part!

I recently had gotten hired at a salon! YAY! I was so happy, although they were going to teach me from ground up. Unfortunately, she called today and said that I wasn't a match for the salon. Meaning "because you aren't making money and you're costing us money, then we have to let you go" I was incredibly devastated, after going what I went through and am still going through with this pregnancy.
I figured though, now would be the perfect time to start up my cupcake business with my friend Michelle! It's going to be great, I love baking, I love hanging out with her, I love making other people fat! (Ha! Suckers!)

So, not only do I not have a job, I may not have a baby either. To be quite honest, I'm not sure why bad things happen to me all the time, even my friends have been saying that I've been getting shit on and it's not fair!

I've been told everything happens for a reason, if anyone cares to shed light on how bad things happening to me has reasoning behind it, please do. It'd be muchly appreciated!

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