Stop! It's the mother fucking remix.

Good Morning,
I'm in the process of writing how I really feel. It isn't going very well actually. For once I think I'm going to blog exactly whats going through my mind. Starting.....NOW!

Okay, So I cant help but think Ryan's kinda getting sick of me, I don't know why I just have that feeling.. I hope I'm wrong though. I feel I'm too clingy and it needs to stop or I might ruin the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm pretty sure Kaileigh and Stephanie secretly hate me, and I'm not sure why. I hate being paranoid because that means I have to ask questions and fear the answer. I realized I'm an idiot because I've been spelling "answer" wrong for quite some time and I knew. I find techno music kind of relaxing, although 90% of the time it gives me a headache. I have a feeling that I'm going to fail so bad..at everything, but I still have hope, and I'm not going to give up. I like the cold, but I cant stand it. I think I've got personality issues.. I don't really like the way I look, I can deal though, I guess that's why I wanna change so much? I'm an insecure person if you haven't noticed. I'm not that bad of a singer but I don't like to sing in front of people. I love music and I love playing musical instruments. The most important people to me are as followed; My mom, My dad, My brother (older), Ryan.. Kaileigh and Stephanie. I'm not even sure the last two count to tell you the truth. I'm pretty sure that my older brother doesn't want to be my best friend. My only actual siblings are my younger ones. The other ones don't have the same dad as me. I get nervous too much.. and I don't think highly of other people unless they are included in the list above. I just want to grow up and get on with my life. I hate spiders and I hate it when people treat me like shit, When they do...I'm not very happy and I tend to snap. I don't usually have anger problems unless my nerves are getting short. In which case then I'm an angry person. I'm not necessarily violent..I only fight if the other person takes a swing. I love showers and I love cuddling. It's my goal in life to stop being so self conscious. That's not even half of whats running through my mind, But I have to go and shower then get ready for work.. So I'll post more after that.